Validating Yourself as a Mother

When I first had my daughter, I would get extremely upset if someone told me that I wasn’t doing something right. I would get frustrated, angry, and bitter. I took everything that people said personally. I thought that I wasn’t doing anything right and that I was destined to be a half-ass mom. I let people get under my skin (even if they weren’t trying to) and I would just sit in it. It was a miserable time for me and I would let that get in the way of enjoying time with my daughter, and other people enjoying time with my daughter.

I would go to my therapist every week, complaining how these people were making me feel like a bad mom. I think at some point he finally got sick of me not realizing what was really going on. The truth is, I was getting so upset because I was getting validation from other people about how good of a mother I was, instead of getting it from myself. If someone had told me how well of a job I was doing, I would be over the moon and only then I would allow myself to be proud. While there is nothing wrong with being happy when getting a compliment, it was unhealthy that hearing those things from other people were the only way I could believe it.

All of this could easily be explained by low self worth and lack of confidence. It’s something that could never be perfected and needs to constantly be corrected. I started by listening to peoples’ advice but reminding myself that I don’t need to follow it. I know for a fact that I have that motherly instinct and I need to use it. I don’t let people push me into what they think is best for my baby. The phrase that “mother knows best” is a new mantra for me, repeating it my head so that I begin to believe it myself. I advocate for myself now and I do not tolerate people belittling me. In order to be the best mother you can, you need to love and believe in yourself.

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